Your question suggests that your son will feel powerless if after having expressed himself, he doesn’t get his way. If that were a truism, then you must always fulfill the needs of the articulate. I suspect that underneath this story, the story-teller feels uncertain about her own power base, causing you to project your feelings upon your son. You may have felt that no matter how articulate you were, it never mattered or changed a thing in your marriage. As a result, you may feel powerless and question whether you will be able to raise your son successfully as a single parent. I suspect the question of whose being left feeling powerless is you. Regarding your son, you are to be commended for encouraging him to express his feelings. Some of his feelings can be fairly painful to express and for you to hear. Remember, power resides in the person who is able to express themselves, whether or not they get their way. His fear is most likely that his life will continue to change without his having an opportunity to participate in its future. Look to provide him a role in minor decision making. Remember, divorce is a tough affair for people at any age. Question: Who’s as sensitive to you as you appear to be with your son?
How do I deal differently with a father who is critical of so many things I do, say, etc. He yells a lot and tries constantly to control all aspects of my life. – Debbie, Age 18
You must learn two lessons if you are to associate with people given to criticism. First, you must learn to be an “emotional matador.” You must not become a target. You become a target by expecting or hoping that your father (the bull) will satisfy your need. Listen to the audio “How to be an Emotional Matador,” or attend the seminar of the same title. Matadors take bull fighting seriously, but not personally. Your father is your bull. Listen beyond his words. They tell you about his venerability. Second, you must learn about criticism. People who have yet to learn to process their emotions become emotionally constipated. Eventually, they can not hold back their emotions any longer. Finally, these trapped emotions begin to leak out in the form of criticism. Emotional constipation can take years to develop, but when it does–watch out. Personal constipation rarely has to do with others. Take your father’s criticism seriously, but not personally.